The Real Aphrodisiacs

Alcohol, chocolate, and oysters are often considered some of the most potent aphrodisiacs. (There are also a few potentially deadly ones like Spanish Fly according to Live Science so tread carefully where they're concerned.)

But beyond using the belly to stimulate the heart and loins, there are mental aphrodisiacs that are just as powerful (if not more so) than all the edible magic out there. Natural aphrodisiacs like confidence, trust, communication, respect, and maintaining good health can absolutely amp up the heat in your relationship. Here's some food for thought.

Establish romantic rituals – A Valentine's Day extravaganza of cards and flowers can certainly be nice, but trying to cram a lot of romance into one day and assume that 24 hours worth of devotion is going to be enough to satisfy your partner for a whole year is unrealistic. Daily romance isn't actually that difficult, and you can have it, you know. Real romance comes from the little things – opening her car door, packing his lunch, taking her hand, giving him compliments. Think about what you miss in your relationship that used to be there in spades when you first began dating… do you need a little help in figuring out how to recapture that?

Ask for what you want – While it may not feel especially romantic to ask him for a hug, if you want one and he seems oblivious to the fact that you need one, then request it. What is the backbone of Mars Venus? Communication! Neither of you can read the other's mind. When you talk to each other, the trust and confidence in your bond grows. Do you hold back in your relationship when you want something and ultimately end up resenting your partner for not automatically "knowing" that they should be giving it to you?

Use your mind – If you feel like your sex life is less stellar than you'd like it to be, start thinking about it. But don't concentrate on what you're not getting, focus on what you want, what you know would satisfy you. It's the law of attraction, a technique we talk about with our clients regularly. What you visualize you can bring to your life – good or bad. Sex can be like your favorite food… if you fantasize all day about that chocolate cake that's waiting for you at home, you know it will taste oh so sweet once you finally get your hands on it. Substitute your partner for that cake and see how good your intimate results can be.

The bottom line is that Valentine's Day is one special day that you can use to celebrate the union you have with another person. People build up this holiday to monstrous proportions and make it into something much more pivotal than what it needs to be. Use the holiday as an opportunity to express your feelings and deepen your love, but don't think that this is the only day of the year that you can do so. You have the power to infuse every day with the heart and soul of Valentine's Day.

→ What aphrodisiac is your "secret weapon"?